Day 8-14

Day 8
Day 9
Day 10
Day 11
Day 12
Day 13
Day 14

Day 8

Ok this was a tough one, I’m not going to lie.  The whole day I felt like dying.  I was so tired, and I do NOT do tired well.

When I got to class there was no excitement, no anticipation, just ugh – let’s get this over with and god it’s going to be hard.  I decided to go easy on all the backbend positions as my lower back was quite sore.    My Eagle Pose was awkward, Dancer’s I barely did due to lower back pain, and I sat in Child’s Pose for the second set of Bow Pose.

Bow Pose is when you are on your stomach and grab your ankles and kick back and lift your head and chest at the same time.  Once is enough thank you very much!

All in all, not the best class, although I didn’t beat myself up about it.  There was a girl in front of me who was in Child’s Pose a lot through the class, and at first I thought she was new, and then during some of the other poses I realized she was quite advanced.

I then thought – we all have our reasons for Child’s Pose, and I need to stop judging myself or feeling judged for being tired or not being able to do a pose.   Maybe she’s going the 30-day challenge and she’s tired too!  like who cares right?

A myriad of emotions is coming up for me daily now.  On one hand I feel such tenderness, love and compassion for….everything.  I smile in fondness at doggies on the street, birds, some people.  On the other hand I’m still my cynical hateful self, snarling at the idiocy of the world.  I feel such a contradiction going on inside, but the difference is now I’m letting it.  I’m OBSERVING it without making it too much of a production.

Maybe I’m getting better at observing without judgment?  That would be nice!

Day 9

Um…I’m going to say this was the shittiest class yet. It was just…….bad. I felt like I didn’t work hard, I felt mad, I even felt irritated at Shandy, I felt annoyed at everyone in the class, I felt annoyed standing outside waiting for the class – it made me feel so isolated and lonely that I had no one to talk to.

I just want to talk to someone about yoga!!!

I want to talk about poses without the other person’s eyes glazing over in boredom and uninterest because they don’t do yoga. I want to have conversations with people outside waiting for the class. But no, everyone just stares ahead quietly, somberly, uninviting.

My Eagle Pose sucked, my Dancer’s Pose was weak, my thighs hurt in Warrior, my spine just refused to move my upper or lower body off the floor. My body just refused today.

And to top it all off – emotions kept surging upwards – anxiety, fear, anger, obsession.  In Savasana (corpse pose at end) I lay there wanting to laugh and be mad at the same time.

I felt like I didn’t work for Savasana and I didn’t deserve it.

But then when I went to the changeroom I felt better.  I walked out of there feeling a bit better.  Knowing that it can’t ALWAYS be like this – the rest of my 20 classes will not be like this – they simply just can’t.  I’m GOING TO have a good class again, sometime soon.  Maybe tomorrow, maybe not.  Everything can’t be perfect.

The teacher told me 1/3 of the way through you’re supposed to feel like this.  Then it gets awesome again, then 2/3 of the way through it gets bad again.  Ending in awesome.  Hopefully.

Oh, and my lips are chapped.  I know it’s due to the yoga heat…somehow.  And I have tiny little bruises all over me.

Day 10

Well,I walked out of class thinking “ok, class was good!”.  But then I thought “why was class good?”  And I realized, it was good because it wasn’t terrible! For some reason the teacher skipped the spine series – we only did Dolphin Plank.  Maybe she could see the exhaustion in the 30-day challenge people?  Maybe she just forgot?  Maybe she ran out of time.  It was weird.

I feel like my body is stiffening and getting tighter instead of what I thought it would do, which is loosen up.  I thought by the end of the challenge I would be thrusting myself into perfect Dancer’s Pose and grabbing my ankles in Camel Pose.  Well not really haha.  But you know, I thought things would be getting looser.  Instead they are getting tighter.  I read a bit of other people’s experiences in the 30-day challenge and apparently this is common.

And there is one pose now that my left leg gives out on.  It’s the “superman lunge” pose. I can’t find what it’s really called.  It’s done when you come out of Eagle Pose. You unwrap your arms and legs out of Eagle and put yourself in the lunge without your foot touching the ground.  This used to be one of my stronger poses, but now it’s like my left leg refuses to hold me up anymore!  And it’s weird because it’s at the beginning of the series, so you think I would be strong?

I don’t know what’s happening anymore – to anything!  It almost seems all my poses are suffering and I can’t get anything right.  Except Warrior 3. Warrior 3 I can rock at the worst of times when I see other people really struggle with it.  This is one of my best poses, and so far I can still do that.

But – I have completed Day 10.  I am officially 1/3 of the way there now!  Two more “rounds” like this and I’ll be done!

I have to say I’m wondering if I’m crazy and why I am doing this.  It helps to read people doing Bikram’s 60, 90 and 101 day challenges because it makes me feel better that mine is only 30.  One person I read actually went every single day for a year!!  Which brings me to believe it’s all in the mind.

You may think 30 days is crazy and you can’t do it. But there are people out there doing 60 days in a row and being totally fine with it.   So whatever you think you can do – YOU CAN.

And I’m thinking my last few classes have been tinged heavily with my expectations again.  I’m getting caught up in it all, and I need to just relax and adopt my mantra “no big whoop”.  Shrug my shoulders and be all “whateves” about it.

Because as soon as you start to attach expectations, to anything really, it never manages to reach them.  Then you are disappointed and feel like you have failed.  But you haven’t really failed anything – because it was never there in the first place! You just THOUGHT it was there………….get it?

That is my yoga wisdom for the day! ha.

Whoops, forgot to add two things:

1) I shook things up and stood in a different spot in the room, on the opposite side – it really helped my mood.

2) I ate a square of chocolate just before my class and WOW, did it give me happiness and energy, it was awesome! I think it’s going to be my hot new thing for this challenge!

Day 11

Day 11. I can’t believe it. So I was a bit worried today as when I got to work this morning my lower back started spasming a bit and the whole thing ached, like a deep ache. I took some Advil and it went away. Tonight’s class was SO GOOD.  I decided at the spur of the moment to do something I have never done before - stand at the front of the class right smack in front of the mirror.

I even thought the other day that maybe I would do this at the very end of my challenge – sort of like a challenge within a challenge.

But nope, on impulse nobody was there and I just did it.  Of course, who surrounds me immediately but perfectly skinny and toned and pretty girls.  Yeah, it’s not like ugly guys or out of shape people, but the prettiest skinniest ones in the class.  Great!

Anyway, I pretty much tried to ignore them and concentrate on my own self.  I have to say, being in front of the mirror was really, really helpful.  I finally saw what I looked like doing the poses, and most importantly could check my alignment.  I’m happy to report my alignment was pretty awesome for all the poses, except surprisingly the half-moon pose at the beginning.  My hips were quite twisted so I really tried to practice bringing them straight.

The class went smoothly, and I was okay in Warrior (finally), great in Dancer’s, terrible in Eagle now that I could see what I was doing, and all the rest of the poses were good.

In Camel Pose something exciting happened – I looked at the ceiling!  Full on, looked at the ceiling.  Usually I just crank my neck so I’m barely looking at the ceiling.  But I managed to go quite deep into Camel which is exciting.

I have finished Day 11 AND pushed myself past a secret barrier of standing in front of the mirror, so I am pretty pleased with myself today!!

Day 12

So Day 12 was interesting.  It was a bit of a different class for a couple of reasons.

1) My friend from LA was visiting and she came with me
2) It was a different teacher who I never had before but whose praises were sung to me
3) I went at 5:30 on a Saturday.

So my friend doesn’t do hot yoga at all, but usually does very gentle yoga once a week, so she was somewhat familiar.  She did really great in class and kept up the whole time. Well, except near the end when she kept looking at me asking me if it was over yet.  hahaha.  It was great to have someone there to talk to! We talked the whole time, and even through the class a bit which I loved.

As for the teacher, I will try to avoid any class she ever teaches again! She was the most annoying teacher I think I have ever had, the most conceited and self-absorbed.  And she would not SHUT UP the entire class.  Talking talking talking every single minute, even in minutes that she was telling us to “shut out the chatter in our heads” SHE was talking!!!  And talking about herself! Ugh, just awful.

The one good thing she did as a teacher was go around and fix everyone’s alignment, however, this can be a bad thing as if you’re not being adjusted, you are standing there in the pose waiting, waiting, waiting for her to finish and it feels exasperating and doesn’t flow.

All in all, I wasn’t a fan (sorry to my friend who loves her!)

But alas, finished Day 12!  My lower back was extremely sore afterwards, I think I shouldn’t do two Bow postures and two Camel postures.  Stick to one for now as they are too hard on my back.

Again in Camel though was able to look directly up at the ceiling – I think it’s because I wing my arms back now, whereas before I didn’t know to do that so it made it hard to bend back.

I decided when the boyfriend comes back from holiday I will get him to take shots of me in all the poses, and then take new ones in a year and compare them.  I think that would be awesome to see that!

Day 13

Day 13 was awesome. I stood in the front of the class again and didn’t feel so awkward or anxious this time. In fact, on Day 12 when I stood in the back I realized I couldn’t see myself and I didn’t like it anymore!

I guess I never felt that I had earned the right to stand up front. Which is ridiculous, but last night I stood up there and felt I truly DID earn the right. This is Day 13 straight, which is huge for me, and I’m working really hard!

So – best part?  I held Dolphin Plank for the entire minute.  I have NEVER EVER done this before.  For some reason, whatever she said (use your legs, push back with your heels) worked and I just did it.  Mind you, after class I had major rib/flank pain and probably gave myself a hernia.  But I did it!! For the first time ever since I started yoga!

Also, I must say my Dancer’s is coming along quite nicely.  Not in the depth of how far I can go, but how far I can go in the RIGHT position.  With my hips lined up and my shoulders facing the mirror.  I’m doing pretty good in that pose!  I’m also going way lower in Utkatasana (chair pose) and even went quite low when we stand on our tiptoes and bend all the way down.

So Day 13 gave me the gift of Dolphin Plank.  And it also gave me the gift of realizing that I have earned the right to stand in the front,  not just in yoga, but everywhere.   Because I work really really hard at what I do, and it’s time I start giving myself some credit for it!

Namaste!

Day 14

Well, I made it. 14 days of straight yoga. I felt like the day I got to Day 14 I would really feel like I accomplished something.  And I did!

I stood in the front of the room again in a new spot.  My Dancer’s Pose is coming along so nicely!  She made us hold it for 100 years and I stood there steady and focused while everyone else fell out.  Then we did it again and I held it the entire time again.  Starting off in the Shandy backbend way has really helped everything.  I’m really getting the pose properly, and one day I will just fall forward with everything aligned and it will be beautiful.  I would rather do it this way than flop into it incorrectly just so I can be like everyone else.

I have taken to skip the bow pose, or just do one of them becasue it really hurts my lower back.  Also – only one Camel (we usually do it twice) as it’s just too activating before I go to bed and hurts my back too.

All in all, I feel amazing.  The last few days have really been special and beautiful, and I hope it continues like this.  Was thinking that doing it for 30 days in a row if you are a new yogi is the BEST way to get somewhere in your practice if you are really serious.  I highly recommend it!!