Oftentimes you read something that you declare “changed your life”. Most of the time that means it changed your life for the 15 minutes it took to read it, and then it’s lost in the vortex of your brain.
Yesterday I read something that I think actually DID change my life, changed everything. I had brain explosion after brain explosion of awareness, almost like trying to pry a jar open and that feeling you get when it finally opens.
I realized after reading this the answer to why I was stuck. I was stuck simply because I wasn’t going anywhere.
Oh sure I THOUGHT I was going somewhere, and I WANTED to go somewhere, I had the car running and the gear shift in drive, but little did I know I had the emergency brake on the whole time.
All the “whys” of why I wasn’t reaching or even close to reaching any type of goal I thought I had set for myself became clear. I actually didn’t have a goal. Oh sure I had formulated a goal, but after read this article and having a huge awakening for the past 2 days, I realized I didn’t have any goals. Any goals that I believed I could achieve, that is. These so called “goals” I had set for myself were merely wispy, vague thoughts and dreams of what I idealistically perceived could be me, if only “me” was a different person!
I reexamined my goals, looked inside of myself for the real truth that I was afraid to speak, and realized I never ever truly believed I could achieve any of these goals. I couldn’t see myself there, I didn’t believe I was capable. Maybe even thought that I didn’t deserve it.
One example of this was my dream/goal to be a yoga instructor. In the past 2 weeks I had actually tried to reform this goal from “I want to become a yoga instructor” to “I want to get to the place where I could become a yoga instructor”. When I really examined this reformed goal after reading the article I realized, I do not believe in my heart that I will ever become a yoga instructor.
And then, after this seed of thought grew and I accepted the reality I realized it was no wonder I couldn’t get further in my poses! I actually even spoke the words out loud to my close friends that after 7 months of what I considered to be diligent practice, I felt stuck in all my poses and felt sad and frustrated and even ashamed that I couldn’t get any further in them. The very thought that I believed I wasn’t going to ever achieve my goal is the very thing that has me stuck in the same place. I can’t progress in my poses because I don’t have anything to progress TO. I have a goal that I don’t even believe in. I don’t believe in myself or think I deserve it, so why would any of my poses progress to anything?!
Seems so simple, yet I’m sure we all have our stuck moments or even, sadly, stuck lifetimes.
To be stuck is safe, and to be honest, I’m afraid to be unstuck.
And that’s the truth of it all. I’m afraid to be unstuck.
Are you afraid to be unstuck?
Posted by ambersamaya on November 18, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Yep. And I am in a really similar place to you, T. I just realized that I don’t really believe in anything all that fervently when it comes to my dreams for myself. It is just vague and wispy, and I sort of just hope it all comes together – and yet, I know that kind of thinking never results in anything. I read that article you posted and had the same sort of awakening. I want to believe in myself. I want to make a DECISION and allow all of my actions to follow the foundation of that decision. How to get unstuck – I don’t have the answer for that. I think it has something to do with making those decisions, believing they are possible, and not allowing any of your actions to go against your decision.